Thursday, December 19, 2019
Confidence is belonging and impacts our identity
Confidence is belonging and impacts our identityConfidence is belonging and impacts our identityConfidence is a topic that is written about hugely in fact, Ive done my fair share of that over recent years. The top tips type of advice have a valuable place, but I think that to achieve a deep-seated, inner confidence, you need a different type of approach.True confidence is about deep inner confidence. I think its about a sense of belonging, and this impacts our identity.Last year we went to see Nick Cave in concert and I was struck by how at home he looked on the stage. He belonged there and it showed. He was a true craftsman, delivering an amazing performance. The stage was his home, and it showed.In what ways do we belong? I believe we have aspects of ourselves that belong to us, and part of being confident is accepting those aspects.So we might say, This aspect of me belongs to myself and Im comfortable with all of who I am every bit of me. The things I love about myself, and th e things that sometimes I wish werent there, but they are. Confidence comes from getting comfortable with who we are all of us. When we can be like this, it makes us strong and able to withhold censure from others. It gives us that confidence to stand out, speak up, take a risk, feel vulnerable. Particularly as women, we sometimes let those opinions of others take up too much space they belong in a way they shouldnt, at the expense of recognizing our own value.All of these aspects of me, belong to me and Im comfortable with all of who I am My impatience, for example, my heavy-handedness. I dont hate those things about me I accept them with curiosity and kindness, a smile a bemused smile sometimes as I notice them there again, and in doing so, it allows me to them deal with them. I can be the objective observer who is at choice.Recognising those things about me when they surface I can acknowledge them and resolve to do something about them. I can notice them, and make a choice to choose a different way of behaving. Maybe be mora patient, take a softer tone, breathe, say something more gently, say nothing at all, let things unfold without the need to jump and take over.But I dont have to hate myself, or beat myself up about things, or spend ages ruminating over past mistakes and offenses. When I am comfortable with all the parts of me that belong, I can accept those things about myself without diminishing my sense of who I am.I dont need to submit myself to a character assassination every time I make a mistake.In mindfulness, we ask, Can I be with this?I can I am learning to be with all those different parts of me. There is never a point at which we are complete. I can make a choice about how I decide to show up. Just because those parts of me are there, doesnt mean I have to show them. It gives me a choice over my behavior, getting me off autopilot and allowing me to take control. It grounds me.What are your thoughts?This article first appeared on Be Leade rly.
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